I asked my Twitter followers what things submissives do that every Dominatrix hates and the results were clear that these ten things not only top the list, but were frequently indistinguishable from one another overall. Many of us came together to agree that these are the worst offenses, while their exact order may fluctuate based on the individual Dominatrix themselves. I’ve taken the time to write this post in the hopes that eager subs will learn from it and do better in their service to all of us.

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1. Needing Constant Attention

Some slaves fail to realize that their constant need for attention is not the show of submission they think it is. They spend all day asking permission to do simple tasks that require additional efforts from the Dominatrix. True submission would likely involve remaining silent and unseen until requested. Think of the servants on Downton Abbey and use this as an example for yourself to mimic as a slave.

Instead, many wannabes will use the phrase, “Is there anything I can do to be of service to you?” when what they really mean is, “Goddess, can you please take time out of your busy day to create a unique task for me?”. A great alternative, would be for the submissive to ask themselves, “How can I truly be of service and please my Dominatrix?” and to focus on putting the Dominatrix’s pleasure first, not their own.

That means thinking about your Dominatrix as a whole woman, not as a fetish dispensing machine. Impressing your Dominatrix with tribute and other forms of service can be a good motivator for her to find you useful. This will result in her calling on you, instead of other attention hungry slaves, when she is in need of a task being completed. Make her aware of your unique skills and when the time comes, you will be at the top of her mind.

2. Trying To Top From The Bottom

This is a great transition as the first two items in the list are related, since constantly asking for attention is definitely a form of topping from the bottom. Which, to be clear, refers to any time the submissive tries to control the session by telling the Dominatrix what to do. It can occur directly, by stating a specific fantasy for example, or indirectly, which often feels quite manipulative to the Dominatrix.

That can sometimes sound like, “Oh no, please don’t spank me for my punishment” which indirectly implies they want the scene to transition to spanking, regardless of what the Dominatrix had in mind or what was discussed before hand. Or even worse it could sound like, “You start spanking me as soon as you get home” when the session was previously set in a dungeon changing the context of the scene entirely in addition to the obvious and direct topping from the bottom.

Regardless of how it goes down, the consensus is in that all Dominatrices hate when their submissives try to control the scene by topping from the bottom. As much as we hate it, I have to say slaves should hate it too, since ultimately it cheats them out of the experience of actually being dominated in favour of some fantasy they believe will be ideal. Letting go of control is part of that experience and topping from the bottom means the submissive is missing out.

3. Claiming They Aren’t Into Findom To Avoid Paying

If you’re approaching a random person that you have no relationship with, seeking a domination session, you need to really ask yourself what you bring to the table. Let me be clear, being willing to be used and abused is NOT something that makes you unique from the thousands of other submissives who are willing to do the same. What makes you interesting to a Dominatrix? Why should they choose you over thousands of others?

Since the answer is probably nothing, you’re going to have to pay to play. This isn’t financial domination, and that being one of your hard limits isn’t an excuse to feel entitled to a session with someone who you don’t even know. The fact that you’ve likely approached a professional Dominatrix feeling entitled to session for free, not only makes you extremely annoying to all of us, but it also makes you pretty fucking stupid too.

Would you walk into a restaurant and claim you’re not into paying for the meal because financial domination isn’t one of your fetishes? Give it a try and watch as they laugh at you then kick you out. I can only imagine the designer bag collection I would have if I could claim the same at Hermes, Chanel or Louis Vuitton. Hopefully, you see how inappropriate this is now and never ever do it again.

4. Having No Hard Limits At All

While many submissives clearly think it is a badge of honour to claim they have no hard limits at all, it really isn’t. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. It signals to any Dominatrix that you have little to no experience as a slave and will require intense amounts of training to ever be useful. It’s not bad to be new to the scene, but to approach without doing any research at all, means you will likely end up being a very attention needing slave as well.

It’s also almost never actually true. When I hear this phrase from a potential slave, I immediately (jokingly) tell them to send me every dollar they have saved and to cut off their cock and balls. Suddenly they mention that findom and castration are actually hard limits after all. You need to do some basic research, especially around the specific fetishes your Dominatrix prefers, to ensure you are a suitable match, before you approach.

Take the time to show that you are serious about serving and that you know what that involves. Don’t approach assuming the Dominatrix will be willing to educate you about different safety protocols. Not all Dominatrices will even ask about hard limits and safe word, but if you haven’t done any research, you won’t know to be concerned about that. Submissive slaves need to take some responsibility for their own safety.

5. Not Following Protocol On Approach

Almost every single Dominatrix I have ever met has specific protocol for how you should approach them if you want apply to serve. The steps are generally laid out on a website and/or in a pinned post on their social media, such as on Twitter. However, many wannabe slaves will choose to send a free email or DM asking questions that could have easily been answered with just a small bit of research. Always check their websites and pinned threads before you send a message.

So while you approach claiming that you want to serve, what you have actually done is asked your potential Dominatrix to do work for you that you easily could have done yourself. Is that really the first impression you want to make? At the very least you should send a small tribute to your Dominatrix along with your question if you are unwilling or unable to find the answer for yourself. Approach humbly that way and it will be far less annoying than it otherwise would have been.

Along these lines, although not exactly the same, is trying to negotiate our rates. Do NOT ever do this. Do NOT do this for any reason. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have enough money or if you only have time for a half session, our rates are our rates for a reason and they are NOT open to any negotiations at all. You may need to choose a text based session instead of real time or cam, or you may simply need to take time to save up, but whatever you do, do NOT negotiate a Dominatrix’s rates.

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6. Treating Us As Interchangeable

Every Dominatrix is a unique human being and we want to be treated as such. We do not want to be treated as interchangeable fetish dispensing machines. We have different fetishes, different hobbies, different interests, different skills, and of course, different looks. You should be basing your decision on who to session with based on these differences, not simply based on who replies fastest.

Messaging a bunch of Dommes at once to see who is available with no concern for us all being unique human beings and not your personal fetish dispensers is disgusting behaviour and if your Dominatrix discovers you have done this, you can probably expect a less than exciting session, if you even get one. Show your Dominatrix of choice the respect she deserves by approaching properly (see above) and waiting patiently for her to reply.

Slaves usually get caught doing this because Dommes talk to each other much more than they assume. Do you really want to end up blocked by a bunch of your favourite Dommes? No you don’t. And no one is asking community sluts to commit to serving only one Dominatrix for the rest of time, we are just asking that you respect us enough to schedule a session instead of sending out 25 “are you available for a session?” messages at the exact same time.

7. Assuming We Are Always Available

This is a perfect transition from the point above since both assume that we are always sitting around waiting for your session request. While this is even more offensive to those who offer real time and need days advanced notice to complete screening and book a dungeon to play in, it is also very annoying to online only Dominatrices as well. For the most part, we are not sitting around in leather and corsets ready to play at any hour of the day.

While we may have online hours where we are specifically advertising we are available for sessions, we pretty much all prefer to have advanced bookings. In fact, I can confirm that it will guarantee you have the best session possible as it give me much more time to both get ready in terms of my makeup and wardrobe, it also gives me time to plan out the session flow a bit as well. It means we can review our mutual fetishes and hard limits before the session itself begins.

This preference is so strong, that many Dommes actually offer a small discount on sessions booked at least 24 hours in advance. I do this for my cam sessions, where I offer 20% off any live cam session that is fully paid at least 24 hours in advance. As a Dominatrix who rarely offers discounts on anything but extended Fly Me To You style sessions, this says a lot about our preference for advanced bookings. Doing so shows us a ton of respect and makes a great first impression.

8. Compliments Without Cash

While you may think this only applies to FinDommes, this answer was extremely popular in the informal poll I conducted. So much so that I was actually shocked by the results. In general, many Dommes do not want your compliments unless you are actively paying them. So, if you’re sending your compliments make sure they come attached to a tribute or at the very least on the clip site you’re buying their content from. Do note however, that buying a clip doesn’t make you entitled to a chat.

Compliments from subs and slaves, especially on paid fanclubs, are actually encouraged, but the irony is that the best paying slaves will rarely be seen publicly. However, the reply guy who never pays is always commenting abundantly. Honestly, I can practically hear them jerking off as they type at me, repeatedly, for free. I mute all of this type, but it is truly disgusting, if you’re not going to pay to jerk off to the fantasy of serving a Dominatrix like me, at least do it silently.

What is a reply guy you ask? Basically a reply guy is someone who likes and comments on a lot of Dominatrix’s posts but never follows through with actually serving any of them. This is especially annoying when they comment on financial domination posts with something like “Yes Goddess, all men should pay beautiful women like you” and never ever pay. The end of this paragraph should just be a bunch of eye rolling emojis because who has words for that kind of annoying behaviour.

9. Has Money For Everything But A Session

Some submissives will complain about how they don’t have enough money for a longer session that would be more appropriate for the list of fetishes and what the Dominatrix has planned, but then show up with enough intoxicants to get fucked up for a week and a half. Or they will insist on the cheapest session possible but then ask you for help shopping for lingerie or dildos.

It is straight up selfish to claim that you don’t have enough money to properly tribute a Dominatrix while also having enough money for things that only benefit yourself. Consider how this looks to the Dominatrix that you are claiming you want to serve. It is a pretty awful first impression and it is hands down the most common among those with a sissification fetish. In fact, it’s a huge reason many Dommes do not play with sissies at all.

If you don’t have enough money to pay your Dominatrix than you probably don’t have enough money for the vices you also want to indulge in. It is your responsibility to plan properly and save for the things you want to enjoy, do NOT ever use this as an excuse to negotiate rates with a Dominatrix. Especially while then showing her that in reality, you have money for everything but paying for a session.

10. Expecting Us To Read Their Minds

Many wannabe slaves will approach a Dominatrix saying something along the lines of “I just want you to take control and dominate me” but then when we do what we actually want to do, probably demand cash and a foot massage, they get upset because that wasn’t their perfect fantasy. Well shocker, we aren’t mind readers and we are women who know exactly what we like. You can’t be upset that it didn’t make your dick hard.

If you want to have a specific style of session, or explore a niche fetish, be clear about it. Because unless you really want to serve us as we desire, you’re probably going to be disappointed if you don’t communicate clearly upon approach. This reminds me a bit of the earlier point about hard limits, because most of the subs approaching like this have only seen a few mainstream free Pornhub femdom videos and have no idea what they are diving head first into.

This is why all wannabe slaves should do your own research and stop assuming what you see in porn meant to get men off is actually what women would want when given complete control. Learn your own fetishes and hard limits before you approach any Domme, then communicate them properly instead of expecting us to read your minds. Or become a true submissive slave and actually put the Dominatrix before yourself, in every way, and serve her instead.

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Dishonourable Mention – Consent Violations

While it didn’t technically make it into the list, it is only because this dishonourable mention is so problematic, it just couldn’t be included with the rest of the offenses. This undesirable shout-out to goes to the submissive slaves who actively violate the consent of their Dominatrix by asking for things listed on the Dominatrix’s hard limits. Consent is a two way street and you would feel horrible if your consent wasn’t taken seriously, so you need to show your Dominatrix the same respect.

You should expect to be punished with an immediate end to your session and block, without refund if you violate our consent. If this happened to you, you got what you deserved, you should learn your lesson and do better in the future with another Dominatrix. Do NOT make any attempt to contact the Dominatrix through any other methods unless you know they accept apology or unblock fees. Any future contact you do attempt to make in that case, must come with tribute attached.

Also included in the topic of not respecting our consent and hard limits, is engaging in kink conversations before you have paid for a session. Do NOT call a Dominatrix anything but her chosen title until given consent to do so. I hate being called “Mommy” until after I have been paid for a session. As a professional Dominatrix, you paying me is a requirement for you to obtain my consent, so don’t engage with me sexually until you have done so and been given permission to proceed.